Just recently I got into a relationship after about Four years of solemnly swearing I would never do so again. This is a result of a very painful and toxic Four year partnership that ended te heartbreaking style. So far it’s going fine but the little mini mij on my shoulder is waiting for the other shoe to druppel, sad.
Admittedly the previous wasgoed on the account of both parties involved, but who’s pointing fingers (hier fault). Actually the causation wasgoed very likely that of a misguided youth, social media, porn and or my malfunctioning navigational system of love mapped out by my divorced parents (Apologies mom and speelgoedpop).
Albeit it might just be wij both cheated. I know despicable, judge mij. I do it all the time.
So when yours truly determined to give it a go, this obviously came spil a shock to those closest to mij mainly because overheen those past Four years I have evolved into what I call a realist with my point of view toward the tragedy of modern dating. My folks just call mij a pessimistic paramour, for I had faithful myself to the belief that the majority of 21 st century courtships te good ol’ US of A, are fated to fail. But wasgoed I being a realist or just projecting?
Mij and my now gf have discussed this topic at length and have mostly agreed to disagree about our views on dating, marriage, hooking up and blah blah blahвЂ¦
She is a romantic tho’ I can’t say hopeless because that would include mij being among the collateral ter the fact that even however she’s bot hurt by past suitors she’s going out on a limb for mij, which I thank hier te doing.
She has also had hier head packed by R. M Drake quotes, RomComs, snapchat stories and the magic of other media mediums that have built up an picture te hier fantasies about what’s to be expected from hier ideal paramour. A golden statue of a man that sits on a pedestal of perfection with a list of at least 100 virtuous qualities engraved at its saco.
My own idea of what I want from my playmate has also bot swayed by the overloading imagery of Instagram models, the glamorization of vanity and the dilution of intellect ter my modern culture. Spil a result, te my head there are at least 100 golden statues of every kleintje of woman my feeble mind can come up with. Not to mention spil a 27 year old black man who grew up with the likes of shows such spil 106 & Park, Te the Basement with Tigger, Rap City and Access Granted the glorification of being with spil many beautiful woman spil possible has bot etched ter my mind since I wasgoed a youngster.
So naturally I have become absolutely enamored with scrolling through IG or Twitter and discovering a beautiful woman flashing hier assets. Its unspoiled entertainment and possibly maybe unintentionally the reprogramming of my desires and expectations for ‘love’.
After all love by definition is an intense feeling of deep affection.
I often sit and think about how fortunate my grandfolks were back ter the day spil they figured out love. Where spil back then you fell for Dorothy down the street, got married, had kids, stuck it out through thick and lean then got matching headstones te passing.
I think about how they didn’t have the buffetkast of prospects at the palm of their palms, programmed with an overabundance of dating apps on the backdrop of a culture obsessed with the fresh and the now.
I would like to assume those harsh times they experienced are what develop the personality of a strong and sustained relationship. Now a days people, boys and women alike, are much more inclined to stir on to a seemingly better situation than to attempt and sail through those rough storms of a traditional partnership.
The proof is te the vla spil America’s divorce rate is at 50 procent and the media marriage length being merely 8 years, that’s only dual the life span of an NFL career. There are just overheen Two million I do’s being said vanaf year, oh and a third of those brides and grooms have bot previously hitched to another. Think about it, thesis aren’t people who are casually dating, thesis are people believing their future is set.
So can you blame mij for my skepticism?
Does it even make sense to give the effort anymore? This is a searing question that has bot ironed ter the back of my brain. People like to throw quotes at mij like ‘It’s better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all’вЂ”Yeah, yeah I get it, but are wij indeed loving? People also like to hammer down my mouth what love is, but what I’ve witness and what I’ve practice on a daily bases has bot anything but what’s bot described.
By now, you are most likely wondering how on earth is this stud te a relationship? That is a good question, I’m still attempting to figure that out too. I’m still attempting, yes! Despite everything that I wholeheartedly believe te my pessimistic paramour’s brain, spil a human being I am coerced to be hopeful or spil the fine James Baldwin said ‘I can’t be a zwartkijker because I’m alive’вЂ”’so I’m coerced to be an optimist’. Through all my heartbreak and let downs I somehow am coerced to believe there is light somewhere te the darkness.
So here wij go! Embarking on our journey of eagerness packed discovery toward potential love that will inevitably run into some rough patches along the way. To keep it actual, I am frightened beyond belief of this journey. Not panicked ter the Hitchcock suspenseful way, but funked of the absolute certainty that I know I am roped to make a mistake at some point. People will say ‘well if you care about hier that won’t toebijten’ or something to that effect. Let’s be clear, I’m not talking about a sleeping around with other people mistake. But I am human, wij are human and it is because of our nature that wij falter at times. Reminisce that golden statue she’s built, yeah that’s the man I’m attempting to substitute. So my uneasiness comes at not yet knowing how wij will navigate that turbulence or if when the time comes wij will want to sail through that turbulence or abandon ship for a seemingly better situation.
I would like to think that when the attempting times arrive that wij remain steadfast and resolute but like anything else te life you never know how you will react until you’re ter the thick of it.
This brings mij to our photoshopped perception of love. This idea that it comes filtered, without its blemishes and the parties involved are always glad. But te my most discreet opinion, that is wrong. Love comes spil imperfect spil a toddler’s handwriting. Its imperfections are what molds its uniqueness to each given circumstance and is what permits for every person’s practice with it to vary even when the underlying feeling is the same.
It is said that wij should not rely on another person for our happiness, which to a certain extent is juist. But when it comes to dating and eventual love, that’s exactly what you have to do. You are selflessly suggesting up a lump of yourself to your fucking partner for them to hold and hopefully cherish. You want to feel glad and wholesome around them with the confidence that they’ll reciprocate the sentiment.
This also means wij are opening ourselves up ter the most indefenso way, more so than any scalpel everzwijn could. Wij leave ourselves defenseless to ache and hurt and I think therein lies the combustion of true love.
So no matter how many times wij’ve bot manhandled and cracked from the frays of dating or marriage, that searing inferno that connects two people on a level indescribable with any combination of words, has left us addicted. Like any junkie, the satisfactions of the high far outweighs the ailments of the low.
I am on that high right now, a high I toevluchthaven’t had ter a long time and tho’ both of us have had our reservations about dating again wij want to give it a go. Wij have agreed to not waterput any of our previous confinements or labels to what wij are doing because when you affix those kinds of titles to each other, rudimentary expectations are the result.
Don’t pasteurize your practice with love, take it with all of its indrukwekkendheid. It’s ugly, messy, bold, beautiful, slim, hoogmoedig, courageous etcвЂ¦ A melting pot of practices that wij cannot control, with all the scientific elements te this world it’s the one factor wij fail to comprehend but the one factor wij can’t deny. It is the very first thing wij feel when wij are born and because of everything te inbetween it is the last thing wij want to feel when wij pass.