A few weeks ago, I wasgoed talking with a friend who is ter the process of tweaking hier online dating profile. She wasgoed wondering what elements of hier profile might turn potential dates on or off, and she asked mij to peruse it, to get a set of fresh eyes on it. Amy loves hier work, and I loved how she wrote about ter hier profile: Not braggy, not self-promotional, but enthusiastic. That got mij wondering: What do the experts have to say about how women should framework their careers ter writing thesis tricky little life summaries? If your career is deeply significant to you, do you say that, or is it – spil much spil I hate to think this – a potential turn-off?
So I posted a query online, asking for dating experts to weigh te on how, and how much, women should describe their careers when crafting their online profiles. The results shocked mij: Many experts who got ter touch agreed that women should downplay their ambition and professional accomplishments te their profiles.
“There is no benefit for a woman ter emphasizing hier career ter hier online profile,” dating coach Jonathan Green wrote to mij. “Whether a woman is enormously successful or not will not affect how 99% of guys feel about hier. For boys, attraction does not come from watching a woman succeed.”
Christan Marashio, who leads seminars on dating profiles and writes the blog And That’s Why You’re Single under the name Moxie, told mij that women should make “little to no mention” of their careers te their profiles. “Women need to understand that the criteria they apply to what makes a man a “good match” such spil education, ambition, and financial security are not on a man’s list of voorwaarde haves,” she explained. “Men care very little about those things.”
Experts suggest another reason to downplay career te your profile: It implies you have very little time for relationships. “I advise women who read ads where the man explicitly states how busy their job is to understand the underlying message: My availability is limited,” Marashio said. “I would give the same advice to boys.”
Green echoed this. “If a woman writes all about being a high powered attorney or successful executive,” he explained, “all boys will read is that she doesn’t have time for him.”
If you vereiste go on about your professional accomplishments, at least be savvy enough to not make yourself seem too, well, accomplished. “Your profile can include the industry you work te but should avoid using terms like ‘executive’ or ‘I run/oversee/manage,” dating columnist Damona Resnick Hoffman wrote to mij. “They make you seem unapproachable.”
A woman’s “profile should reflect how she feels, hier emotional texture, hier juiciness, hier heart, not what she does or hier goals,” relationship coach Roy Biancalana explained. “If hier profile is packed with hier career stuff, hier accomplishments, hier mission te life, hier wishes spil to what she wants to achieve professionally, while that’s beautiful and wonderful, it won’t be attractive to a man with masculine energy.”
Good to know. And, hey, career-minded ladies with beau’s or husbands, you might want to bedachtzaam them about their deficiency te “masculine energy.”
So much of this dating advice seems geared to getting you to attract all the studs te the world, including the jacks and wusses who will be intimidated by your career goals. But isn’t the idea to find a handful of good guys, and eventually just one fine boy who understands and embraces you for who you are? And also, isn’t this 2012, and there are slew of dudes who are totally into that? Hello?
There are, I wasgoed eased to find, several experts who said career-focused women should present their work spil part of themselves online. “It’s significant for women to embrace who they are, and not edit their true desires, including professional desires, te hopes of being considered a good date,” said Trish McDermott, who spent a decade spil Match.com’s “VP of Romance.” “The right man will totally get that you ‘Love, Love, Love’ your job – maybe because he feels the same way about his career – and he’ll love you for it.”
The spokesperson for the popular sites JDate and ChristianMingle, Arielle Schechtman, wisely advised “honesty, openness and clear communication” te your profile, even if you’re a workaholic. “Stay away from telling things like, ‘I eat, breath and live work!’ or, ‘I spend every waking ogenblik te the office,’” she said. “Instead, say what it is about your job that you truly love. Or write about what gets you out of leger ter the morning. Thesis are the things that make you unique and give your potential date a better look at your true personality.”
Kate Houston, founder of the profile-writing service trysweettalk, agreed. “A basic marketing principle is ‘make the offerande clear so that you attract the right customer, and weed out the wrong ones,’” she explained. “If work is significant to you, then be open. Ter fact, count it among your interests and say what you like about it. Te addition to sounding like someone who has happiness and a positive outlook on a daily poot, it also makes clear that you’re employed. Ter this economy, that’s significant.”
But Jane Coloccia Teixeira, the author of “Confessions of an Online Dating Junkie,” summed it up best, brief and sweet. “Your job should be talked about like your other interests,” she advised. “We’re not living back te the ’50s and ’60s!”
Depending on who you talk to, you’d never know it.